i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
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do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
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My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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