Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
