All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
