I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize