So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
