Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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