you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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