Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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