she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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