Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
