the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Randomize
