His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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