i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
