Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
