I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
