Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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