I wish my penis had an off switch
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
