I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
