you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
