R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
