I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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