was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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