I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
