I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
