My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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