STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
