I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
