Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
