my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
