Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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