A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize