your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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