Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
