I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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