We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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