Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
