Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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