we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
