I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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