I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
