I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.