i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
