Will you blow on my dice?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
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The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
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I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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