There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
