He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
