So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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