he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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