He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
