I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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