girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
