he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
