everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
