I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
