"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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