I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
