new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
