Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
