What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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