I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
