I am puke
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
