To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
