Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
