what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
