I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
