There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
