Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
