Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
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............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
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I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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