are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
