Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
