apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
